Either me or this must end.

When I first got here (to work) I felt like a strange rat entering a world of flies. They were disgusting to me, and yet I felt disgusting in comparison to them, in a different way.
I was incredulous to the topics of their conversations; the endless prattle about dates and fashion, alcohol and the coolest venues for parties.

At first the differences between them and me made me somewhat miserable. I didn’t want to be around such shallow and neurotic conversations. Sure my friends and I have shallow conversations; sure we analyze guys and dates, but let me tell you; we do it in a totally different way. We do not judge a guy for having a white car. We do not seriously profess to be hot ass bitches who are too good for most people. We do not agonize over why the French are so thin. We do not go on cleanses and talk about how eating water for ten days clears our soul.

After a while I read something about accepting people for who they are. That we are happier not expecting or waiting for people to be different. It said we shouldn’t take it personally that people are how they are, and we shouldn’t take it upon ourselves to change that. This rang true to me and I started to like them better by accepting who they are. This lead to frienships, dancing, drinks, dinner, a whole social life. And suddenly they didn’t seem so alien to me. They were my friends. This office was my life. I’ve been happy although not feeling quite like myself.

Then Cug came to visit and I felt like myself again. I felt incredibly comforted and happy to have a friend like that; hell a person like that around me. After a week of her amazing influence and a weekend without hanging out with coworkers my paradigm shifted. Following this was the reunion weekend in Tacoma. Everyone was amazingly down to earth as always, genuine, confident , funny, inspiring, strong, moral. My friends are happy by nature, peaceful and positive and following various paths that make them happy or contribute to something they believe in.

Coming back to work felt like walking into work a year ago. It felt like walking into the twilight zone. I sometimes gives myself a pat on the back for my ability to adapt to new and varying situations. I figure if you can't beat em, join em. But a year later I am starting to think this is not something I'll ever be able to join; That accepting this kind of company, conversation and mindset is compromising myself. I think it's time to minimize my work-realated social life and go back to not accepting them for who they are...

Recessionistas

We've all seen the news and know what scary times we live in. And I keep wondering when I"m going to feel it specifically. This week we had lay offs that made it feel like we were in a slaughter house. No one knew it was coming, but suddenly people were in the large conference room and then gone. Just gone for good. People who are the heart of this agency, people who never complain or frown, or show frustration when things get tough, people who took their kids out of school in LA to move up here for the job a mere month or two before.
This summer we hired so many people that every office has six people and we had to stick desks in the halls. Some people who were hired four months ago still have to sit on the couches in the reception area. As the economy was crumbling all around us, we were hiring as fast as we could. People who are good at their jobs and reach the executive levels are rarely good at managing a business, clearly.
In one department everyone had to take a 25% pay cut. In another department they had a meeting where they were told they needed to work 30% more. (They already work until 11:00 pm). People are crying today and the tensions are high. But we are still having Rodeo Wednesday. Our beer man just arrived. They're setting up for the band, spreading tables with western style table cloths and setting out food; setting up the ping pong table for beer pong. The timing is odd but maybe we need this.
I was not unaffected by this. In addition to my duties I now have to be a receptionist for half the day. About a month ago everyone was congratulating me on my "promotion" to being a planner which meant I was a planner and an assistant. Now I"m an assistant and a receptionist. After a year of busting away at planning and being told I'd get promoted I feel as though I've been demoted.
I don't know whether the planning work will fall away. My ad. strategy was just picked definitively by the clients and is being executed creatively. My boss said it was some of the most creative work he's seen in the planning department in a while. And now I have to pick up old food and dishes from client meetings, load and empty the dishwasher, direct calls etc.
I keep reminding myself: I should be happy I have a job. I should be grateful in these times for what I have. And I am. But the 13 hour days are tough. Tougher when they are followed with a demotion instead of a promotion. I'm that much farther away. We all are.