This twilight zone that I work in....well I think I had it all wrong. Behind the glitz and glamour is a world I had only hoped to be ignorant of. Let's start with the kitchen sink:
We (I use this word sarcastically and with an ironic dose of cynicism) can now proudly boast that we are a sustainable company, dedicated to waste reduction. However, this involves a transition so radical and alien, that some people don't really know what to do. Once upon a golden time there was a trash can where one could dispose of unwanted paper coffee cups, resplendent with gooey Starbuck's sugar free sugar. But what is the modern cosmo woman supposed to do when the ceramic mugs cannot be disposed of in the trash can?
Of course! The kitchen sink is the latest trend of last year's trash can! By noon the sink is piled so high with mugs and plates that one can barely turn the water on without back-splash off the ceramic behemoth. Never mind that the dishwasher is right next to the sink and completely empty. Once I was even caught in the naughty act of loading a dish and was told cooly "Oh you don't need to do that. The cleaning people do that."
This latest insight that we in fact have cleaning people makes the poster above the sink a curious and suspect piece of art. Right above the sink is a compelling picture of a naked baby in a sink full of dirty dishes. He is saying "Clean up after yo' self sucka!" Then in big bold letters at the top it says, "Don't make chubby baby do your dishes!"
This heartfelt plea to clean up after ourselves seems to imply that the cleaning people are....chubby babies? Are we just hoping that they don't read or speak English and won't be offended that we are calling them fat infantile cannards???
OH! Speaking of babies. Today I took part in a brainstorm at work. I thought it would be a good way to see if I want to get onto the creative team in my firm. We were brainstorming new ideas for a wine brand that caters to adventurous people. We had a list of what "THEY" (the other, strange adventurous being) likes and does. We were told that statistically speaking they don't watch TV, don't work in office jobs and are typically divorced. From this we accurately gleaned that our crowd of target adventurers are "losers, loners and babies" Why did we decide that they were babies you might ask? Well because people who can't sit still to watch TV, and who don't have office jobs (and I quote from a senior planner) " don't have the fucking attention span to sit their asses down for more than five minutes" People who can't sit in offices are babies.
Let me tell you, my ideas for this adventure brainstorm were not wanted or appreciated. We decided that we should go for a sustainable, environmental bend to appeal to these adventurers whom we so abhor. I learned that sustainable means something completely different in this world. It is measured in dollars saved, not water saved; it is the latest marketing gimmick; it is the hottest buzz word and if you can use it to your advantage, you are on the cutting edge of profitability and street cred. Marketing a product as sustainable has nothing to do with the actual thing.
I munched endlessly on cookies and tried to act mature while we decided how best to manipulate the tree huggers.
At the end I said to the senior, "I'm sorry I didn't contribute more, I am still figuring things out and learning a lot by just taking it all in and seeing what it is you are looking for in terms of ideas."
Her response: "Well if you figure it out let me know, I'll still be here tomorrow."
Oh also, she said that she "hates nature" and lived in Colorado for five minutes and then realized that there was "way too much fucking wilderness"
Oh my there is so much more to share. Perhaps I should leave this at that and tell you the rest later.
Tata my loves. I hope you live in the other sphere of our dichotomized world!
2 comments:
It is a great wonder in my mind how they do in fact succeed in advertising if their "knowledge" of each group is so vast and profound. OMG. Seems like a mad house to me. They are right in that that "sustainability" thing is quite the buzz word these days, but I think knowing what is is may in fact be more valuable than just using it. Hmmm. I shall ponder that one for while. Well, needless to say, I am thrilled that the drought is over and thoroughly enjoyed your blog! We shall chat soon my dear. Ta-ta for now!
Wow. never too long my dear. But wow. I'm trying to see things from your boss/workmates perspective, so hold on a sec. Let's see...so that would be like someone like "us"/anyone who gives a shit about the environment, trying to advertise something to a demographic that, statistically speaking, likely includes mostly shallow and materialistic, envirophobic, somewhat plastic, somewhat weak, caged up office gerbils? Well, that would be a tough job, it's no wonder they are a little grumpy sometimes. Hang in there little naked mole rat spy, this is not bad writing material if I do say so myself!
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