When I first got here (to work) I felt like a strange rat entering a world of flies. They were disgusting to me, and yet I felt disgusting in comparison to them, in a different way.
I was incredulous to the topics of their conversations; the endless prattle about dates and fashion, alcohol and the coolest venues for parties.
At first the differences between them and me made me somewhat miserable. I didn’t want to be around such shallow and neurotic conversations. Sure my friends and I have shallow conversations; sure we analyze guys and dates, but let me tell you; we do it in a totally different way. We do not judge a guy for having a white car. We do not seriously profess to be hot ass bitches who are too good for most people. We do not agonize over why the French are so thin. We do not go on cleanses and talk about how eating water for ten days clears our soul.
After a while I read something about accepting people for who they are. That we are happier not expecting or waiting for people to be different. It said we shouldn’t take it personally that people are how they are, and we shouldn’t take it upon ourselves to change that. This rang true to me and I started to like them better by accepting who they are. This lead to frienships, dancing, drinks, dinner, a whole social life. And suddenly they didn’t seem so alien to me. They were my friends. This office was my life. I’ve been happy although not feeling quite like myself.
Then Cug came to visit and I felt like myself again. I felt incredibly comforted and happy to have a friend like that; hell a person like that around me. After a week of her amazing influence and a weekend without hanging out with coworkers my paradigm shifted. Following this was the reunion weekend in Tacoma. Everyone was amazingly down to earth as always, genuine, confident , funny, inspiring, strong, moral. My friends are happy by nature, peaceful and positive and following various paths that make them happy or contribute to something they believe in.
Coming back to work felt like walking into work a year ago. It felt like walking into the twilight zone. I sometimes gives myself a pat on the back for my ability to adapt to new and varying situations. I figure if you can't beat em, join em. But a year later I am starting to think this is not something I'll ever be able to join; That accepting this kind of company, conversation and mindset is compromising myself. I think it's time to minimize my work-realated social life and go back to not accepting them for who they are...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
About Me
- Lindsay
- "This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? ... And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple "I must," then build your life in accordance with this necessity;... Then come close to Nature." -Ranier Maria Rilke in Letters to a Young Poet
2 comments:
Quite a little situation you have on your hands little lady. Sorry I am a bit slow to catch up to all of this, but I say whatever makes you happy. Since you know that you can enjoy life there and be happy then you shouldn't deprive yourself of that. Just because you can adapt to their environment doesn't mean that by having fun you will turn into one of them. We all know that will never happen!
oh my, I feel so honored lil legs! Just so you know, you have a fantastic influence on your friends and I think it's safe to say we are all impressed by both your chameleon like capabilities and your ability to stay true to yourself. I know what you mean though, a person can only take so much before breaking or compromising sometimes. I think you tend to strike a fine balance though, and I agree with voctor, adaptation does not necessarily equal compromise! Be happy lil legs, can't wait to see you again!
Post a Comment