How it should be

"All companionship can consist only in the strengthening of two neighboring solitudes, whereas everything that one is wont to call giving oneself is by nature harmful to companionship: for when a person abandons himself, he is no longer anything, and when two people both give themselves up in order to come close to eachother, there is no longer any ground beneath them and their being together is a continual falling." Rainer Maria Rilke in Letters to a young poet

I've always tried to express why I like being single and have failed in this explanation. I don't like to lose my self-autonomy. I don't like to lose my self although I like to lose myself.
This, in my own words has come across to boys (they've told me) as selfish and showing an unwillingness to compromise. But wonderful, eloquent Rilke has the idea.
Until it's like two ships meeting at sea, it's not for me.
I found this quote in the wake of a hurtful conversation I had with Connor via gchat. There are reasons exes shouldn't be friends. There are reasons exes became exes in the first place.
I find it hard to be optimistic and at the same time realistic. I am either cynical and distrustful or naively, hopelessly romantic. I can be nothing in between. Connor may have set me back a bit towards the former this afternoon, like a swift kick to the stomach. I plan on becoming fully hopelessly optimistic in two hours of so. Nothing a warm chocolate cookie, a run and then roller disco can't cure right??